So, I was chatting to a very close friend of mine the other day concerning a career opportunity I was thinking of going for. I sort her counsel because she is a highly successful business woman and I trust her advice implicitly.
The opportunity had me in conflict because I didn’t know whether I should go for it or not, as the new position would give me more diversity and responsibility and with that more money. On the down side the new role came with longer hours and it would more than double my commute time to work.
After explaining this to my friend she stated “The hours and the commute, you will make that work.” then simply asked “But will it make your life easier?” This stumped me and I have no idea what my actual response was to this question, but I do have a strong feeling I lied. However, this question followed me for the rest of that week. I heard it as I accepted the interview and again it repeated itself quietly during the entire interview process, and as the zoom meeting ended I came to an answer. No.
“Waking Up”
– Felt Pen on paper
No, this new role will not make life any easier. I mean the money thing would defiantly help (Im not an idiot), and I would get used to all the new changes that came with the job, as my friend stated, I would make it work, I would simply have to adjust my life to make the job suit me.
But adjusting myself, changing myself, is that making my life easy? Do I want to do this again? I have adjusted myself so many times in my life I have lost count. As a child I adjusted myself to make my parents happy. When I was sent to boarding school this was a major adjustment for me, I even adjusted myself to fit certain boyfriends and friendship groups. Motherhood was an adjustment and combine that with the need to work another huge adjustment not only felt by me but also my child. With all this adjusting not only are the people close to me affected, my art work and creativity suffers as-well.
This has always been, every time a change occurs my art has always been forced into the back seat as I try to navigate the new course I am making happen. With every life adjustment my creativity is put on hold, until I feel stable enough to begin again. I can not do this anymore. I will no longer “make it work”, instead I will let it flow.
What do you mean? I hear you ask. Well from now on I will only move when it feels right, not on the pretence or delusion that it will get better with time. I will no longer force a change on the perception that if X happens everything will fall into place, that is like buying tattslotto tickets without any prize money. So from now on I will move only with clear vision and honesty, establishing boundaries when needed and saying No even if it feels scary.
This is how I have decided to move into next year, and it seems interesting that I come to this conclusion at the end of a year full of many personal changes. However this type of adjustment will always be and can not be controlled, life will always be changing and moving, but now I will flow with this. I will no longer force a change, I will only move when the space is given, and I will apply this philosophy to all aspects in my life.
Next year I will slow down and be a witness to this flow, so as not to miss out on the correct opportunities that may come along. I will no longer be looking to the future trying to see if “this will work” or ” if I do A, B will happen.” I will also savour midnight cuddles with my child instead of wishing she would sleep through. I will slow down with my art and my words, being considered in what I do and what I choose to show the world. I will no longer need to try and figure out the right thing to do, I will already know. There will be no need for me to adjust to a situation, I will no longer feel like I have fit into the world, I will simply be in it.
This is what will make my life easier.
I leave you with a quick line and word illustration (see above) titled “Waking up”, – felt pen on paper. This was created very quickly (if you could guess) as I was pondering on how to get myself back to myself. This is something I will be writing more about over the next 12 months, I am very excited about this journey so stay tuned.
Lastly I hope everyone moves into 2023 safely and with a quiet happiness that fills your heart constantly through out the year. God bless and be kind.
Walking heart 